Mitties, and Baby, and Wifey - Oh My

WROTE MY FIRST CHAPTER (?) TODAY...I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED...DOING SHORT STORIES INTO A NOVEL HAS BEEN SUGGESTED TO ME COUNTLESS TIMES, BUT I'M FINALLY GETTING IT...
 

The Internet is NEVER the place to meet people, and it only took me four horrible situations to figure this out (don’t judge me). I said I was never going to have any “Myspace dates,” but one random friend request, (yes I had no idea who he was) led to exchanging numbers. A month later I was inviting Mitties (short for-you know what it's short for) over to my house. Mitties got his nickname; as if you hadn’t already guessed, because of his rick-ross like physic and ability to fill out a B cup better than any Victoria Secret Model.

After weeks of talking on the phone, and getting to know him, I decided he was sane enough to come to my house. Everything was cool he'd come over, we'd watch tv, chill. I said i was cool with how things were with us because i didn't want anything serious, but not wanting anything serious is worlds away from making me an unintentional side-line-hofessional. Now see now that I look back on everything and reflect on how dumb I was, I realized there were clues all around me that I was playing second string. EVERY TIME we chilled it would be at my house, his phone NEVER made a sound when he was with me, every time I invited him out he always had something else to do, or something always came up, and when I hit him up on some random “come over” shit he always had an excuse to why he couldn’t. It was ALWAYS work, Mitties worked at McDonalds, and there wasn’t that much fries needing to be fuckin dropped.

I start to get suspicious of his wishy washy shit after my friends sat me down and said I was being stupid. I go on his Myspace page (i hadn't been on his page in months...i'm not a page stalker) and see a picture of him holding a baby, I don’t wanna just jump to conclusions and assume it’s his (I don’t have a problem with kids, it becomes a problem when you never mention having any) but I see a girl in his top friends holding the same baby. I go to her page and first thing I see is a picture of him holding her VERY pregnant stomach and her left hand over his with a fugly ass ring on it. No I’m not hating, it looked like they had her ring customized out of scrap metal at the junkyard. Needless to say I called him and had some not so pleasant things to say, only thing he had to say? “I told you” NEGRO PLEASE! I may not have the greatest memory in the world, but I’d definitely remember you mentioning a WIFE AND BABY!

#DearMitties - FUCK YOU AND YOUR COUCH...